1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,239 Dad, why have you sent me a petition 2 00:00:03,240 --> 00:00:05,279 to stop people feeding bread to the ducks in the park? 3 00:00:05,280 --> 00:00:07,039 URINATING 4 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,039 Oh, and why are you peeing with the door open again? 5 00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:12,279 Oh, morning. Dad, how many times have I told you 6 00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:13,399 to just close the door? 7 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:14,519 What did you say? 8 00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:15,719 Face the front! 9 00:00:15,720 --> 00:00:19,679 I was facing the front until you started yabbering at me. 10 00:00:19,680 --> 00:00:21,399 Just... 11 00:00:21,400 --> 00:00:22,879 PEEING CONTINUES 12 00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,879 See how easy that is? 13 00:00:24,880 --> 00:00:26,319 Eh? 14 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:28,639 PEEING CONTINUES 15 00:00:28,640 --> 00:00:31,519 Did you get the petition I forwarded to you 16 00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:33,240 about feeding the ducks bread? 17 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:37,919 It has no nutritional value whatsoever. 18 00:00:37,920 --> 00:00:39,639 PEEING CONTINUES 19 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,359 Eh? 20 00:00:41,360 --> 00:00:42,640 PEEING CONTINUES 21 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:45,599 PEEING CONTINUES 22 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:48,440 By jings, it's a long one, this. 23 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,479 I don't suppose you know 24 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:56,799 where the only working phone charger is? 25 00:00:56,800 --> 00:00:58,959 I'm on 5%. Oh, I lent it to Beth. 26 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,759 You lent it to Beth?! Yes. 27 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:02,119 She needed a phone charger. 28 00:01:02,120 --> 00:01:03,279 I need a phone charger! 29 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:04,839 Well, you'll have to call Beth. 30 00:01:04,840 --> 00:01:06,239 Ugh! 31 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,839 What day is it today? 32 00:01:07,840 --> 00:01:09,719 Monday. Monday. 33 00:01:09,720 --> 00:01:11,079 This Monday? 34 00:01:11,080 --> 00:01:13,839 Yes, Dad, today is this Monday. 35 00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:18,799 You will be looking forward to your birthday on Saturday, eh? 36 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:22,479 I've booked a wee table at the new Italian. 37 00:01:22,480 --> 00:01:24,999 I told them on the phone I'd be having the lasagne. 38 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,039 Well, you'll be eating alone, I'm afraid. 39 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,839 Eh? Well, I just don't feel like there's much worth celebrating 40 00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,199 in my life right now. 41 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:33,839 What do you mean? What do you mean, "What do I mean?"? 42 00:01:33,840 --> 00:01:36,079 This isn't how I saw my life at 40, 43 00:01:36,080 --> 00:01:39,719 living at home in Forres with my dad, sleeping on the sofa bed 44 00:01:39,720 --> 00:01:41,120 in my childhood bedroom. 45 00:01:42,480 --> 00:01:44,720 Plus, Emily's with Tim now. 46 00:01:45,680 --> 00:01:48,479 I mean, what does she see in him? What's he got that I don't? 47 00:01:48,480 --> 00:01:52,079 Well, he's got a house, he's got a car, he runs his own business, 48 00:01:52,080 --> 00:01:54,440 and, of course, you've already mentioned he's got Emily. 49 00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,599 But, yeah, apart from that... 50 00:01:57,600 --> 00:02:02,199 I just thought by 40 I'd be living in my terraced house in Notting Hill 51 00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:04,839 with my wife, and maybe a little Richard running around. 52 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:06,159 The singer? 53 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,319 Kids! 54 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:08,719 Oh, right, right, right. 55 00:02:08,720 --> 00:02:09,920 MOBILE RINGS 56 00:02:11,320 --> 00:02:12,799 Sally, hi. 57 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,639 SALLY: Now, I'm telling you the smell is still here. 58 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:16,879 Sally? 59 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:19,199 Well, I don't know what it is do I, Pippa? I'm not a cleaner. 60 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,039 You're my assistant, you work it out, 61 00:02:21,040 --> 00:02:22,999 and do it somewhere else, please. 62 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:24,559 I have to call Richard Pritchard. 63 00:02:24,560 --> 00:02:27,519 No. You have called me, Sally, it's Richard. 64 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:28,839 Oh, God knows! 65 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,199 I don't know why I bother. 66 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:31,599 There's never any offers for him. 67 00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:34,919 To be honest, I've stopped putting his name forward for things. 68 00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:38,599 Oh, the director mentioned me by name? 69 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,519 Yes, maybe the smell is his career dying. 70 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,079 Ha! That's very good, Pippa. 71 00:02:42,080 --> 00:02:43,799 OK. Let's get this over with. 72 00:02:43,800 --> 00:02:44,999 PHONE BEEPS 73 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,799 Er, oh, thanks, Sally. 74 00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,600 No, you take care. 75 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,920 Good news, eh? 76 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:03,440 God. 77 00:03:06,840 --> 00:03:12,439 Hi, I'm Tim Village, and I coach men to unlock their true potential. 78 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:15,319 I truly believe that what starts in the gym, 79 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,039 ends with you nailing that presentation in the boardroom 80 00:03:18,040 --> 00:03:20,959 and getting the confidence to ask out that girl of your dreams - 81 00:03:20,960 --> 00:03:22,519 or boy, if you... 82 00:03:22,520 --> 00:03:26,799 So give me a follow if you want me to help transform your life, 83 00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,599 because it takes more than a village. 84 00:03:29,600 --> 00:03:31,439 Tim Village. 85 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:34,199 Oh! I've gone and followed him. 86 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:35,639 Oh. 87 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:36,719 No, no. 88 00:03:36,720 --> 00:03:38,719 Unfollow. Unfollow! 89 00:03:38,720 --> 00:03:40,239 No! 90 00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:41,680 God! 91 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:44,239 God! 92 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,399 WHYYY? 93 00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:48,320 CLICKS HIS TONGUE AND SIGHS 94 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:05,400 You all right? 95 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:08,919 Do you know I really believed 96 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:13,040 I was going to be a successful and respected actor. 97 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:17,400 What am I going to do, Dad? I'm completely broke. 98 00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:23,240 Well, maybe you could get yourself a real job. 99 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:25,799 Exactly. 100 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,960 There's nothing I can do. 101 00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:34,039 Listen, son, if I've learnt anything over this past year, 102 00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:38,519 it's that feeling sorry for yourself doesn't change anything. 103 00:04:38,520 --> 00:04:40,679 What you need is a wee part-time gig. 104 00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,999 You know, something to tide you over. 105 00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:46,719 Ian and Jen, they're looking for some help at The Beastie. 106 00:04:46,720 --> 00:04:48,679 It'd be humiliating. 107 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:51,039 My face is on the Wall of Fame. 108 00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:52,319 Yeah. 109 00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,079 But you could maybe ask them to take your picture down. 110 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,319 You're kidding me! It's all I've got to show for my career. 111 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,839 Well, just think of it as a wee diversion, maybe, 112 00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:03,399 on the way to better things. 113 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,359 Look at that Robert de Niro fella. 114 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,399 He drove a taxi. 115 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:11,160 Aye, whilst researching Taxi Driver, for which he won an Oscar. 116 00:05:12,920 --> 00:05:15,559 Well, what about that other boy, the left-footed boy, 117 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,359 played the Guildford Four, the president with the funny chin. 118 00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:20,879 Daniel Day-Lewis? 119 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,119 Aye, that's him. 120 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:23,559 He did lots of other things. 121 00:05:23,560 --> 00:05:25,080 He was a cobbler. 122 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,719 I suppose when you look at it like that. 123 00:05:28,720 --> 00:05:30,759 I mean, I'm not comparing myself Daniel Day-Lewis. 124 00:05:30,760 --> 00:05:32,159 Very wise. 125 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,679 Well, it... 126 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:36,759 It wouldn't be like I was actually working there. 127 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:37,920 It'd be more like a... 128 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,279 What's it called? A sabbatical. 129 00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,079 You know, mixing with the salt of the earth, 130 00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,639 filling up my inspiration cup. 131 00:05:46,640 --> 00:05:48,759 I would think of it more along the lines 132 00:05:48,760 --> 00:05:50,999 of filling up your bank account, maybe. 133 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:53,999 Yeah, I do feel bad about not paying rent here. 134 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,119 Ach. 135 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:57,279 No, no, honestly, I've been here for a while now 136 00:05:57,280 --> 00:06:00,079 and I want to contribute. 137 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,680 So, don't argue. OK. 138 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,239 Well, maybe argue a wee bit, if you... 139 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,560 Drink your tea before it gets cold. 140 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,959 Can I just say what an honour it is 141 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,319 for you to even consider The Beastie as your potential employer. 142 00:06:19,320 --> 00:06:20,640 Don't mention it. 143 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:24,319 What would the shift pattern be? 144 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,279 Shift pattern. 145 00:06:26,280 --> 00:06:28,479 What a lovely turn of phrase, Richard. Oh. 146 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,799 Well, right now it would be Tuesday and Thursdays, 147 00:06:31,800 --> 00:06:33,679 so that Jen and I can have our date night. 148 00:06:33,680 --> 00:06:36,039 Our marriage counsellor's idea. 149 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,959 She said we should introduce date nights to our marriage 150 00:06:38,960 --> 00:06:40,439 to give us a break from the norm. 151 00:06:40,440 --> 00:06:42,919 So, I'd be by myself behind the bar? 152 00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,159 Yeah, but we'd just be at one of those tables over there. 153 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,679 Oh... Oh, you're having your date nights here? 154 00:06:47,680 --> 00:06:49,079 Best pub in Forres. 155 00:06:49,080 --> 00:06:50,679 Where else would we go? 156 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:52,119 Fair comment. 157 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:56,199 So, oh, do you have any previous bar experience? 158 00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:57,319 Um, no. 159 00:06:57,320 --> 00:06:58,679 Ah. Not to worry. 160 00:06:58,680 --> 00:06:59,999 Next question. 161 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:02,040 Tell me what do you see here? 162 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:04,399 Just say what you see. 163 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:05,719 A moth. 164 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:07,279 Funny looking moth. 165 00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,599 Aww. 166 00:07:08,600 --> 00:07:10,519 We were looking for Satan himself. 167 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,999 Well, it's interpretative, isn't it? 168 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:16,119 So, say during your shift the pub catches fire. 169 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:19,039 Now, you only have time to save one of us. 170 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,199 So, who do you save? 171 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:22,399 Come on, that's... that's a bit difficult. 172 00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,359 It's just a bit of fun. Yeah, yeah! 173 00:07:24,360 --> 00:07:25,639 There's no right or wrong answer. 174 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:26,959 I'll make it easy for you. 175 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:28,559 I'm lying right by the door. 176 00:07:28,560 --> 00:07:30,679 Er, OK, and where's Jen? 177 00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:33,559 She's in the cellar, trapped under a crate of Schweppes. 178 00:07:33,560 --> 00:07:34,639 Agh! 179 00:07:34,640 --> 00:07:38,159 Right. Well, in that case, um... 180 00:07:38,160 --> 00:07:41,240 I'd save you, Ian, because you're by the door. 181 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:44,840 What about Jen? 182 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,879 What...? Um, well, I know, but I just thought... 183 00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:50,439 I'd be burnt to a crisp, Richard. 184 00:07:50,440 --> 00:07:51,559 I know, but... 185 00:07:51,560 --> 00:07:52,799 No, it's fine. 186 00:07:52,800 --> 00:07:55,519 I just didn't realise you felt that way about me. 187 00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:57,799 Oh, my love. Oh, if you'll excuse me. Oh, I'm sorry, Jen. 188 00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:00,719 No, I need to go. I'll be fine. Don't follow me! 189 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:01,919 DOOR SLAMS 190 00:08:01,920 --> 00:08:03,879 Women and children, Richard. 191 00:08:03,880 --> 00:08:05,679 Everybody knows you save them first. 192 00:08:05,680 --> 00:08:07,519 Why did you put yourself by the door? 193 00:08:07,520 --> 00:08:09,079 Don't you pin this on me! 194 00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,879 Well, just ask me again and I'll say I saved her. 195 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,199 So I burn to death now? What do you want me to say? 196 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:16,519 Thank you for coming in, Mr Pritchard. 197 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:18,200 We'll be in touch. 198 00:08:19,800 --> 00:08:22,120 Actually, I work here, so you leave. 199 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,960 Yes, sir, what can I get you? 200 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,480 MOBILE KEYS CLICK 201 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,039 Who are you texting? 202 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:41,439 Not that it's any of your business, 203 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:43,879 but I'm asking Beth if she'd like to come to dinner on Saturday, 204 00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:47,839 if you are adamant about being a right misery guts. 205 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:49,799 I am. 206 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:52,119 Well, could you turn off the sounds, at least? 207 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:53,559 MOBILE KEYS CLICK 208 00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,599 Eh? 209 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:55,800 The key tones. 210 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:58,680 The sounds of the letters. 211 00:08:59,680 --> 00:09:01,999 The noise you were just making. 212 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:05,599 Right, just... just press a button on your phone. 213 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:07,159 What, on this phone? 214 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,840 That phone - yes, that phone. 215 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:12,119 KEY CLICKS Well, can you hear that? 216 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:14,520 Hear what? Oh, for... 217 00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:19,679 Key tones silenced. 218 00:09:19,680 --> 00:09:21,239 I'm trying to concentrate over here. 219 00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:23,679 If it's all right with you, I'll just finish texting Beth, 220 00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:26,279 is that all right? Mm-hm. 221 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,239 How do I get an aubergine emoji? 222 00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,599 Why? 223 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:34,199 Because I want to tell her what I'm going to grow in my new greenhouse. 224 00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:35,360 Oh. 225 00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:39,880 PHONE ALARM RINGS 226 00:09:45,320 --> 00:09:47,200 Morning! Unbelievable. 227 00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:59,279 Hi. Just... I'm looking for some part-time work. 228 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:00,800 Um, no. 229 00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:06,200 INAUDIBLE CHAT 230 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,519 Hi, just wondering if you had any... 231 00:10:15,520 --> 00:10:17,880 That's... Right, OK. Right, OK. 232 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,000 DOOR SQUEAKS 233 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,319 Think that might need some WD40. 234 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,719 Hi, how are you doing? I'm just wondering if I could... 235 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:37,919 Fine, thanks. 236 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,839 Good. Er... 237 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:42,399 Yeah, I was just wondering if I could hand this in to someone? 238 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,159 I'll get the manager. 239 00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,920 Great. Thank you. 240 00:10:49,480 --> 00:10:52,399 Hi. You're here for a job? 241 00:10:52,400 --> 00:10:55,159 Hi. Um, yeah. 242 00:10:55,160 --> 00:10:57,039 Yeah, I wasn't sure if you were hiring 243 00:10:57,040 --> 00:10:59,559 cos there's a closing down sale sign in the window, but... 244 00:10:59,560 --> 00:11:02,999 Oh, yeah, it always says that. Draws people in. 245 00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,239 I can do an interview now, if you have time? 246 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,479 Er... yeah. Yeah! 247 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,239 Wait. Do I recognise you? 248 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:13,959 No. Well, I mean... er... 249 00:11:13,960 --> 00:11:16,719 I was on a TV show. Detective Manners. 250 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,279 It was a bit of a Sunday night staple. 251 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:19,359 You're the guy from the bed shop. 252 00:11:19,360 --> 00:11:21,479 Also we might have met once in a bed shop. 253 00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:24,959 Do you and your dad just follow me around from job to job? 254 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:27,640 Well, I think the question is why can you not hold down a job? 255 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:31,039 Yeah, your question was better. 256 00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:34,959 Annoyingly, we are very short-staffed at the minute. 257 00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:37,119 Are you outdoorsy at all? 258 00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,479 Outdoorsy? Big time! 259 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,800 You know, when I'm not indoors, I tend to be... outdoors. 260 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,919 Look, please, I really need this. 261 00:11:48,920 --> 00:11:50,880 I won't let you down, I promise. 262 00:11:54,720 --> 00:11:57,999 We do a probationary period for the rest of the week and... 263 00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:01,919 ...take it from there. Seriously... thank you. 264 00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,799 What's your name? Richard. 265 00:12:03,800 --> 00:12:05,359 We already have a Richard. 266 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,719 Hi. 267 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,319 You'll have to be Richard 2. Richard, you're Richard 1. 268 00:12:09,320 --> 00:12:11,319 Cool. Any questions? 269 00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,600 Can I be Richard 1? No. Then, no. No further questions. 270 00:12:40,120 --> 00:12:45,799 Richard? Oh, hi, just getting some reps in. 271 00:12:45,800 --> 00:12:48,679 Well, so first you follow me on the socials, 272 00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:51,039 and now you're here for a consultation. No, it's not that, 273 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:52,960 it's just... Please, sit. 274 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:57,680 So. 275 00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:01,119 Oh, um... 276 00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:05,479 Yeah. Yeah. I'd like to get in shape. 277 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:06,959 Mm. 278 00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,159 I guess I'm interested, Richard... Can I call you Richard? 279 00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:11,479 Yeah, it's my name. I guess I'm interested, Richard, 280 00:13:11,480 --> 00:13:13,439 in the first time you looked in the mirror and thought, 281 00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,759 "Hey, who is that guy staring back at me? 282 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,079 "That's not the Richard I know." 283 00:13:18,080 --> 00:13:20,239 Well, there was this one time I got lost in a hall of mirrors. 284 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,639 What I'm trying to get at is... emotionally, 285 00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,999 where are you at, man? Er, I...I... 286 00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:31,319 I don't know. I'm living at home with my dad, which is tough. 287 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,399 He's started peeing with the door open, which isn't great. 288 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,399 Er... Oh, can I just check something 289 00:13:36,400 --> 00:13:40,279 about the trainer-person-in-gym confidentiality deal? 290 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:42,239 Oh, um, well, this is a safe space. 291 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:44,919 Cool. OK. So, you're living at home with your dad, 292 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,239 he's urinating publicly. Continue. 293 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:49,759 Well, I'm only there cos I lost my job. 294 00:13:49,760 --> 00:13:51,879 Well, it's not the only reason. I was a bit worried about him 295 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:54,839 after we lost my mum. When did you lose your mum? 296 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,119 Um, two and a bit years ago. 297 00:13:57,120 --> 00:13:59,480 OK. Let's just pause there. 298 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,199 What was she called? 299 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,039 Jean. Jean. 300 00:14:07,040 --> 00:14:08,959 She sounds incredible. 301 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:11,960 I lost my dad last year. His name was Douglas. 302 00:14:13,080 --> 00:14:16,239 You see, Richard, we can only experience grief 303 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:18,759 if first we experience love. 304 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:21,239 Yeah, I think I've got a coaster that says roughly the same thing. 305 00:14:21,240 --> 00:14:27,239 The thing is, Richard, how do we move forward from that? 306 00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:30,600 Because all we've got is the future. 307 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:34,279 What about the present? 308 00:14:34,280 --> 00:14:36,799 It's already in the past. 309 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:38,599 What about now? 310 00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,039 It's gone. 311 00:14:40,040 --> 00:14:42,159 Right. Now? Gone. 312 00:14:42,160 --> 00:14:44,279 Now? It's gone again. Yeah, no, I see what you're saying. 313 00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:47,039 What about, like, now? There is no now. It's just past. 314 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:49,559 That's the point I'm trying to make. Right, so that's gone, too? 315 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,159 Yeah, it's gone, I'm afraid. 316 00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:55,399 Actually, I meant to ask, how on earth did you and Emily meet? 317 00:14:55,400 --> 00:14:57,959 Well, it's a very funny story, actually. Um... 318 00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,520 We met in a supermarket. 319 00:15:02,560 --> 00:15:04,519 That's the end of the story? Yeah, that's the end of it. 320 00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:06,879 She's a great gal! Yeah, she really... She really is. 321 00:15:06,880 --> 00:15:09,999 Yeah, and do you know what? You, my friend, are in luck, 322 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,079 because I actually have had a client drop out. 323 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,559 So I do have a space on my transformation programme. 324 00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:19,559 OK. To be honest, Tim - if I can call you that? 325 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,759 Please. Money, it's a bit tight at the moment. 326 00:15:22,760 --> 00:15:25,599 OK. Well, I put it to you, Richard, 327 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,799 how much is it costing you to stay the same? 328 00:15:28,800 --> 00:15:30,599 Well, actually that's free. 329 00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,559 OK, look, look, you're a friend of Emily's, 330 00:15:32,560 --> 00:15:36,039 and I'm a big fan of hers, obviously. 331 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,159 So, how about we just pro-bono 332 00:15:38,160 --> 00:15:41,119 whilst you get yourself back on your feet? 333 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:42,600 What's stopping you now? 334 00:15:43,800 --> 00:15:45,200 I wish I knew. 335 00:15:46,640 --> 00:15:48,160 Welcome. Hmm. 336 00:15:53,920 --> 00:16:00,399 ? Happy birthday to you 337 00:16:00,400 --> 00:16:03,959 ? Happy birthday, dear Richard 338 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,519 ? Happy birthday to you! ? 339 00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:09,479 Thanks. Hip, hip! 340 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,079 Hurray. Hip, hip! 341 00:16:11,080 --> 00:16:12,999 These are getting a bit soggy now. Hip, hip! 342 00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,719 Hurray. That's fine for now. 343 00:16:14,720 --> 00:16:18,040 All right, well, please yourself. Here you go. 344 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:22,800 Oh. HE CHUCKLES 345 00:16:23,880 --> 00:16:26,639 Oh. Thanks, Dad, genuinely. 346 00:16:26,640 --> 00:16:28,479 Anyway... 347 00:16:28,480 --> 00:16:30,680 ...about the rent we talked about? 348 00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:35,999 Ah... 349 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,439 Here. Here a wee tenner to yourself, there you go. Oh. 350 00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,559 THEY CHUCKLE 351 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:44,959 How does that feel to be paying your own way again, eh? Eh? 352 00:16:44,960 --> 00:16:48,479 You're moving on up. Yeah. 353 00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,080 Look out, world. 354 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,120 Oh! 355 00:17:06,120 --> 00:17:09,800 HE STRAINS 356 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:25,839 HE FARTS 357 00:17:25,840 --> 00:17:27,559 THEY LAUGH 358 00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,199 I mean, that's Robson Green for you. 359 00:17:30,200 --> 00:17:31,919 When he teamed up with Jill Halfpenny, 360 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:35,559 filming was just a riot. I mean, they're real jokers. 361 00:17:35,560 --> 00:17:37,599 I don't know who any of these people are. 362 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,919 They're my co-stars on Detective Manners. 363 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,919 You did ask. No, I didn't. 364 00:17:41,920 --> 00:17:42,999 No. 365 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,319 No... No, you didn't. 366 00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:47,119 It's my birthday today. 367 00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:49,999 I must be wanting to relive the glory days. 368 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:51,759 Happy birthday. 369 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:54,039 What are you, like, 40? 370 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,639 Couldn't you have guessed lower? 371 00:17:55,640 --> 00:17:58,679 What are you doing for it? Nothing much. Keeping it low-key. 372 00:17:58,680 --> 00:18:00,999 Could you buy me and my mates some cider? 373 00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,839 What? Why can't you buy it? 374 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,719 I'm 17. We'd let you have a can. 375 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:07,359 We're hanging out at the duck pond later. 376 00:18:07,360 --> 00:18:09,839 Yeah, thanks, but I'm not spending my 40th with teenagers 377 00:18:09,840 --> 00:18:11,759 drinking cider at the duck pond. 378 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,439 All right, Grandad, chill out. 379 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,879 How are you getting on, Richard 2? Settling in? 380 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:18,519 Yeah. Yeah. Richard 1 showing you the ropes? 381 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:20,920 No, I forgot - we also sell ropes. 382 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,719 Made any sales yet? Well, not yet, but I will. 383 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:27,359 No time like the present. 384 00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,199 Richard! 385 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,679 You... work here? 386 00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,759 Me? I wouldn't have thought so. Yes, he does. 387 00:18:34,760 --> 00:18:41,519 Well, technically I do, but I'm actually just researching a... 388 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,279 Researching a role. Um... 389 00:18:43,280 --> 00:18:47,279 It's like an outdoorsy rugged type, er... It's called... 390 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:49,679 ...Camp Man. A Camp Man? 391 00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:52,240 No, Camp Man. You say it quickly. Camp Man. 392 00:18:53,880 --> 00:18:56,560 Richard here can help you with anything you're looking for today. 393 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:01,599 Still waiting for your morning run data, Richard. 394 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,599 Yeah, sorry, I forgot to download the app. 395 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:07,279 So you're telling me you don't know your elevation gain? 396 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,479 What are you two whispering about? 397 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:11,119 Nothing. 398 00:19:11,120 --> 00:19:13,119 So, how can I help you? 399 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,559 Well, we're going to Aviemore in a few weeks. I'm running a 10K. 400 00:19:16,560 --> 00:19:18,679 And we just thought we'd do some wild camping afterwards, 401 00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:21,119 so we are looking for your best two-person tent. 402 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:23,319 A two-person tent for you and Emily? 403 00:19:23,320 --> 00:19:27,159 No, for Ant and Dec. Did we not mention they were coming, too? 404 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,319 Er, well, actually, we're out of two-person tents. 405 00:19:30,320 --> 00:19:31,919 Ah. 406 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:34,359 What about those? No, I wouldn't go near them. They're not up to it. 407 00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:37,079 Sorry, can I just...? Is everything OK? 408 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,879 We're looking for a two-person tent. Do you know what? 409 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:42,359 We could go elsewhere. No, no, no need. Please follow me. 410 00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:44,719 We have some lovely two-person tents. Or-Or-Or... 411 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:49,599 Or have you considered these very roomy, um, one-person tents? 412 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:52,239 The customers have asked for a two-person tent. 413 00:19:52,240 --> 00:19:55,239 Yeah, I know, but... But these ones are, um... 414 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:57,119 They're buy one get one free. No, they're not. 415 00:19:57,120 --> 00:19:58,919 I know they're not, right, but they could be, that's... 416 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,639 Richard 2, why don't you pop into the back and do a quick stock take? 417 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,039 OK, you win. 418 00:20:04,040 --> 00:20:06,119 Er, right, 80% off, final offer. 419 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,719 Get out! What? 420 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:09,400 You heard me, you're fired! 421 00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:12,159 Fine! 422 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:13,200 Unbelievable! 423 00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:18,320 Just trying to get my jacket! 424 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:26,359 Um, you just... 425 00:20:26,360 --> 00:20:27,720 Right there for you. 426 00:20:29,280 --> 00:20:31,240 There's a little knack to it. 427 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:37,999 Plenty of water on your hands, just ease that clay out, 428 00:20:38,000 --> 00:20:40,440 and you feel you've made... CHANNELS CHANGE 429 00:20:43,360 --> 00:20:46,279 Hey. So... 430 00:20:46,280 --> 00:20:47,800 What do you think? 431 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:51,880 No' too smart, is it? You look great, Dad! 432 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:57,439 Everything OK? 433 00:20:57,440 --> 00:21:00,319 Aye. Bit nervous. 434 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,199 Well, it's just a dinner with a nice lady 435 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,800 who you've got a lot in common with. Aye. 436 00:21:07,080 --> 00:21:09,200 Will you come with me? No. 437 00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:12,959 Please? 438 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,439 Absolutely not. 439 00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:18,079 I'm having a starter then leaving, OK? 440 00:21:18,080 --> 00:21:20,959 Hello. Table for Pritchard. 441 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,439 Pritchard. 442 00:21:22,440 --> 00:21:24,519 One extra, I'm afraid. 443 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:26,719 You made me come! 444 00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,439 I'm the man that called about the lasagne. 445 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:30,959 Ah, yes, I remember you. 446 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,159 The rest of your party is actually already here. 447 00:21:33,160 --> 00:21:35,080 Ah. Party? 448 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:42,799 Oh, I'm going to kill you when we get home. 449 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:46,080 If I don't kill myself first. Oh, don't be such a mattock. 450 00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,519 So, did you get a tent in the end? 451 00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,959 Oh, yeah. Thanks. 452 00:21:54,960 --> 00:21:56,879 I should get a 50% commission. 453 00:21:56,880 --> 00:21:59,559 SHE LAUGHS 454 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:02,320 What's funny? Just what Richard said. 455 00:22:03,720 --> 00:22:06,079 I adore humour. 456 00:22:06,080 --> 00:22:08,839 I can't believe we're all here. 457 00:22:08,840 --> 00:22:10,359 I had one foot out the door 458 00:22:10,360 --> 00:22:14,359 and then all of a sudden... I just got so nervous. 459 00:22:14,360 --> 00:22:17,519 I'm glad you did too, Ken, and it wasn't just me. 460 00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,159 It's silly, isn't it? 461 00:22:20,160 --> 00:22:22,919 Personally, I wish we could get rid of them now. 462 00:22:22,920 --> 00:22:26,359 I'll leave. Just sit where you are. 463 00:22:26,360 --> 00:22:29,759 How are you, Ken? Eamonn Holmes? What? Eh? 464 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:30,919 Yeah, that will happen. 465 00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:35,559 I was watching an episode of Detective Manners today, Richard. 466 00:22:35,560 --> 00:22:38,079 You were in it. Right. Say again? 467 00:22:38,080 --> 00:22:40,319 No, you were just saying about the... What about? 468 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,639 I'm in Detective Manners. Oh, don't boast, Richard. 469 00:22:42,640 --> 00:22:45,039 I'm not boasting. Yes, it was the gay one, you know? 470 00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,719 The one where the gay woman kills the gay man 471 00:22:47,720 --> 00:22:49,199 because she's jealous 472 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,599 he got to direct the play for the village fair. 473 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:53,959 Yeah, but I don't think them being gay had anything to do with... 474 00:22:53,960 --> 00:22:57,119 Say again, son? Don't mumble, Richard. I'm not mumbling! 475 00:22:57,120 --> 00:22:58,799 You are mumbling. 476 00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:01,719 Sorry about that, Beth. Carry on. What was that? What did you say? 477 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,159 Oh, by the way, um, did you manage to gather all your ingredients 478 00:23:04,160 --> 00:23:06,199 for batch cooking tomorrow? 479 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:07,880 Batch cooking? 480 00:23:08,880 --> 00:23:12,599 Oh, yeah, um, maybe I shouldn't say. 481 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,879 Say what? Um... 482 00:23:14,880 --> 00:23:17,719 Richard has signed up as a new client. 483 00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,279 Richard has? What, this Richard? 484 00:23:20,280 --> 00:23:23,239 Oh, and remember, I need that video of you cooking. 485 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:26,079 I... I'm not going to send you a video of me cooking. 486 00:23:26,080 --> 00:23:28,399 Look, Richard, I need that video, 487 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,919 because otherwise you can't be held accountable, 488 00:23:30,920 --> 00:23:32,799 and if I can't hold you accountable, 489 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,719 then I can't help you transform from who you were to... 490 00:23:35,720 --> 00:23:39,159 Wow. ..to who you want to... 491 00:23:39,160 --> 00:23:41,119 Third one. ..be. Mm! 492 00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,040 Mm. OK. 493 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,079 I thought I needed... Um, do you know what, Tim? 494 00:23:47,080 --> 00:23:49,759 You're a lovely guy. Yeah. But I quit. Right? 495 00:23:49,760 --> 00:23:51,519 It's not you, it's me. 496 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:53,279 Well, it is a bit you, but, um... 497 00:23:53,280 --> 00:23:56,439 I think the problem is, I thought I needed a plan B, 498 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:59,399 but I just forgot that when you have a plan A, 499 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:00,879 you just have to make it work. 500 00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:03,479 I mean, I shouldn't be selling tents, you know? 501 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:05,799 You don't. You got fired. Well, yeah, exactly, 502 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,519 but, no, no, that's exactly it, 503 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,319 because the universe knows that is not my path. 504 00:24:09,320 --> 00:24:13,479 My path is to find truth via performance. 505 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,999 That's... That's what my path is. 506 00:24:16,000 --> 00:24:17,799 Yeah. I don't need a sabbatical, 507 00:24:17,800 --> 00:24:19,439 I need an audition, and that is what... 508 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:23,079 That is what I'm going to do, so, yeah. 509 00:24:23,080 --> 00:24:24,479 Cheers. 510 00:24:24,480 --> 00:24:26,519 Cheers to me. Just me, is it? That's all right, OK. 511 00:24:26,520 --> 00:24:30,680 Well, here is to life beginning at 40. 512 00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:35,759 You mean 42, right? 513 00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:37,119 What? 514 00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:40,599 I mean, how does this happen? I'm your only child! 515 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,799 Would it kill you to know how old I am? 516 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:46,079 Don't blame me. I'm a pensioner. What's your excuse? 517 00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,799 Well, every actor does it. You shave off a year or two. 518 00:24:48,800 --> 00:24:51,119 Yeah, well, I think you're meant to keep track of the actual number 519 00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:54,759 in your head. Let's just think about this logically, OK? 520 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,119 When was 1984? 521 00:24:57,120 --> 00:24:58,879 I just don't believe this. 522 00:24:58,880 --> 00:25:01,159 I've realised life begins at 40 at 42! 523 00:25:01,160 --> 00:25:04,879 Well, on the plus side, some people think life begins at 50. 524 00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:07,159 So... less time to wait. 525 00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:08,919 If it cheers you up, Richard, 526 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,399 I put your birthday into the Google machine. 527 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,079 Oh, you know, on the online. 528 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,279 And it said you have the same birthday as Audrey Hepburn. 529 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,679 Oh! Oh. 530 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:20,799 And Michael Barrymore. 531 00:25:20,800 --> 00:25:22,639 Oh. 532 00:25:22,640 --> 00:25:25,360 What do you think happened there, then, Richard? 533 00:25:36,040 --> 00:25:38,080 Ian, Jen. 534 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,639 We've talked it through, and we see now, 535 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,119 although what you said was very hurtful, 536 00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:50,559 it was a hypothetical situation 537 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,639 and you didn't actually leave me to perish. 538 00:25:52,640 --> 00:25:55,319 No. Of course not. 539 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,679 Aye. Water under the bridge. 540 00:25:57,680 --> 00:26:00,639 Which would hopefully put out the fire. 541 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:03,879 Knowing our luck, we'd end up both drowning in it. 542 00:26:03,880 --> 00:26:05,439 THEY LAUGH 543 00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,760 Who would you save in that scenario, Richard? 544 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,439 Just go, Richard! I'm sorry! JEN SOBS 545 00:26:14,440 --> 00:26:15,720 Oh. 546 00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:24,359 Meera Syal guest starred in four episodes in total, 547 00:26:24,360 --> 00:26:27,239 and she's just a fantastic performer, 548 00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:29,480 and incredibly versatile. 549 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:34,719 Oh, buddy, buddy, sorry, can you not do that? 550 00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:38,199 It's got zero nutritional value for them. 551 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:40,359 Who the hell is this guy? 552 00:26:40,360 --> 00:26:41,520 DUCK QUACKS 553 00:26:41,570 --> 00:26:46,120 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0